Monday, 8 November 2010

Neighbor Hood Party.

Generally, my relationships with my neighbors are civil. I do not talk to them, they do not talk to me. Occasionally I'll hold their mail for them and pop it over when the time is right; sometimes should i be feeling particularly emotionally generous, I'll wave to them if we both exit camp at the same time. The issue with the 'neighbs' is a relativly new one and one that has arisen from my student accom experiences. Our house this year is sandwhiched between two others. This is fine, I have little issue with this. But lets put some more variables into the mix. The walls in student houses are generally not much more substantial than a slightly stale rice cake; our living hours are genereally akin to that of a fox until exam period when we try and face daylight; we are firm believers in pre/post parties. Herein lies the issue. A pre party is no biggie, a post party is a bitofa bitch especially when it involves Bon Jovi till 5 in the am. And, the killer factor, is being held in the bedroom next door to my own. In their defence, it was really not that loud, in fact I could just make out the chorus (but that is about the right amount of Bon Jovi song you'll need to play audibly for me to get angry.I am greatly thankful that they (my new roomies) do not enjoy death/black metal as much as last years neighbor did- that was a tough one, and it got kinda creepy when he/she just played songs that I had been listening to earlier in the day. And this house (new nextdoor) also don't practise whipping in the garden or raping in the bedroom(it really sounded potentially prisonworthy) and we must be thankful for small mercies. Our Neighbors on the other side aren't much better. You normally get an argument about once a week. Which is suprisingly good entertainment. We normally turn off the TV to make sure we've heard every 'I...HATE...YOU'. Fights are fine, dance music obsession is a little trying on a wednesday afternoon. I'd like to think I am a good semi room mate. I have fantastic taste in music (I believe-who doesn't love Barry White on a Sunday afternoon), I rarely have parties in my room and I don't own a whip. Surely I am within the codes of neighbor etiquette? I don't practise djembe drumming in my down time, I don't own a parrot or a furby, I don't enjoy music written by tragic 90's rock bands, I don't put up pictures on the adjoining wall using hammers/nails, and I don't open their mail when it's left round ours. Maybe we/I should set down some groundrules for anyone who shares a wall with me in future (and I write this to cover any eventuality) 1. No hammers on any occasions (the walls in any student house are mighty small and I don't want a peep hole betwixt our chambers) (FYI, my friend had a neighbor who watched us in his garden through a hole in the fence...weird) 2. No Bon Jovi unless you have headphones. 3. No raucous sex or swingers meetings nextdoor. I don't want to play any part in your lovemaking so I certainly don't want to hear it. 4. No whips. The reasons are self evident. 5. No pets that can speak (younger siblings, parrots, trained chimpanzee's etc.) 6. No Martial arts practise past 8pm. Generally a noisy activity. 7. No early morning theatricals. I do really want to know why "Gav toootally pisse''erd me aaf" and why "eeeee's saaaach a waaankaaa" but not at this hour/audio level. 8. Don't stare at me when I'm in my kitchen doing my dishes like we know each other: "Oh yea, Hi, haven't seen you since last time you watched me baking". 9. Don't keep maggots in your fridge (I did have a neighbor who did this, though the maggots were a side package that came with the liver that she kept for the neighborhood cats) 10. Don't post random mail through my door hate mail/ love letters; or for that matter fetish party invitations/ killing kittens parties, I don't want to go, at least not with you. However feel free to: 1. Put my bins out in my absence 2. Drop round with homebaked goods 3. Play Barry White at any hour of the day. I think that is everything covered. I think I might send this manifesto to Neighborhood watch.